You Can Never Be Too Prepared
by Black-Haired Girl
Summary: Duo comes over to help Heero move out of his apartment and gets a surprise. Humor. Crack.


Title: You Can Never Be Too Prepared

Author: Black-Haired Girl

Rating: G

Duo helps Heero move out of his apartment. Short and sweet and utterly pointless.

"Sheesh, you don't have much, do you?" Duo asked over his shoulder as he hauled the last small, brown box into the back of his pick-up truck. Heero was standing in the doorway surveying the relocation of what little belongings he owned and, when spoken to, only silently shrugged his shoulders. Once Duo was satisfied with the arrangement of the short stack of boxes in the truck's bed he slapped his hand clean of dust before turning to face the former Wing 0 pilot. "So, that's it, right?"

"Just about." Heero stated plainly as he let his dark blue eyes skim over the small pile of boxes he had just loaded. Duo eyed him suspiciously.

"What do ya mean, 'just about'? Your apartment is empty!" Duo exclaimed. He threw his hands up in exasperation and watched as Heero vanished up the stairs to the second story. "What could he possibly be getting now? Lightbulbs? The roaches?" The American grumbled to himself while checking his watch. Today he was operating on a tight schedule, what with all of the work he had piled up at the scrap yard. However, he was a good friend and when Heero had mentioned that he was moving and would need to borrow Duo's truck the braided boy didn't hesitate to offer his personal assistance. He had arrived early that morning expecting to actually move things, only to find that Heero's apartment was practically spotless and that a little more than a dozen boxes had been piled neatly beside the front door. Duo had never been to Heero's apartment while it was being inhabited, so he wasn't quite sure what was said boxes. Lamps? Clothes? No… not clothes. He assumed that the unmarked boxes contained computer parts, a pot, a pan and some ammo.

The thought made Duo smirk to himself. Heero's strange, minimalist lifestyle always amused him.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Heero's sneakers scuffing against the tile hallway. He looked up the stairs to the landing and watched as the Japanese boy turned the corner with his arms full of… guns? Duo couldn't help but let his jaw drop.

"Hey! Where the heck did you get all of those?!" Duo asked in astonishment as he watched Heero shuffle carefully down the stairs cradling two assault rifles, a revolver and a box with "C-4" scribbled in Heero's short, angular handwriting. Duo's surprise made Heero smile. It was a creepy smile, but a smile nevertheless.

"Take these." Heero said plainly as he shoved the portion of his arsenal into Duo's arms. "I'll be back." Then he turned to stomp up the stairs once more.

Duo gaped at him as he re-entered his apartment. "What? More?!" He hastily set the rifle, revolver and C-4 safely on the truck's passenger seat before loping up the stairs to the apartment. As he entered he saw Heero disappear inside the bathroom. As he entered the bathroom he saw found the former Japanese pilot crouched in the bathtub.

This guy is nuts! Duo thought to himself as he watched Heero begin to unscrew the bathtub's water spout. "What are you doing?" He finally asked, though he was sure he knew.

Heero didn't answer him. He was focused intently on his work and within seconds had the bathtub in pieces. He began digging his fingers in the newly revealed hole in the wall and soon retrieved a long-barreled pistol from its hidden spot.

"Are you sure you aren't a serial killer?" Duo asked as he watched Heero replace the bathtub's fixtures. "Should I just stay away from the closet and the cupboard? Is that where you hide the dead hookers?"

To Duo's surprise Heero chuckled but said no more. That wasn't a very reassuring response. It occurred to Duo that Heero was probably taking great pleasure in freaking him out, otherwise why wouldn't he have removed his hidden stashes before Duo came?

After Heero had retrieved all of his belongings, namely the grenades in the windowsill and the detonator taped to the underside of the kitchen sink, they loaded all of the weapons safely in the truck before pulling away.

"Why do you need all of that stuff, anyway, Heero? Don't you feel safe now that you're a civilian?" Duo finally asked as he pulled the truck onto the highway. Heero sighed as he wrapped his arms tightly across his chest.

"Civilians are at the most risk," the Japanese boy finally replied, "besides, you can never be too prepared."


End file.
